This Is Not A Russian Diet

" I   don't have to go on a diet. I have some vitamins . . . what are these . . . Body . . . umm . . . E-A-S-E . . . what does that spell?"

Thus spake my Russian pal Dmitry today when he called to see how my little project was doing. I had to gently remind him that it wasn't really a diet that I was attempting, but he wouldn't listen. Why would anyone do this if not to lose weight?

"Khorosho, chuvak, khorosho, " I told him (Chill, dude, chill).

This phase, I told my Kremlin kreplach, was simply to clear my microbiome as much as possible by deleting as many potential troublemakers—sugars, starches, unnecessary fats, processed anything—partly to see how far I'm willing to go with regards to deprivation, but mostly to find out what benefits, if any, manifest themselves because of it, and documenting the whole thing closely with blood and other tests to visually get a picture of what's going on in there.

But Dmitry only views voluntary deprivation as "diet"—and that's what I'm getting from most people.

For the record, on Day 1 of Phase 1 I weighed 159.7 lbs. On Day 7, I weighed 157.3 lbs. But on Day One of Phase 2 (the reset phase) I weighed 160.4 lbs; I had lost and gained two or three pounds in two weeks, which is pretty standard for me.

So basically this phase (started on Sunday) is to try in my non-professional, non-guided way to reduce as many colours in the palette as possible, so to speak.

To me, that means get rid of any added sugar at all. That's easy; no more sugar in my tea or coffee. No more ice cream, chocolate, cakes, whipped cream, no more sugar, period, except for where nature put it, and that does not include honey.

But then I would also delete sources of glucose as much as possible: all wheat (not even whole wheat), starchy vegetables like potatoes and other sneaky sources like rice. In addition, I decided arbitrarily to remove all meat and poultry and all dairy. All dairy. No butter or buttery products, no milk, yogurt or any other things that may have had mammalian relations.

No alcohol (natch!) and no non-prescription medications (aspirin, acid reducers, antihistamines—you get the picture).

I know—what's left?

Well, to be honest, not much!

But enough talk; let's see the pics.

The vitamin-mineral regimen started on Day One, Phase 2

And one of my typical dinners from Phase 1 (whole wheat pita with grilled chicken, red peppers, onions, garlic, lettuce, slaw mix, cilantro):

To be replaced by tonight's dinner of shrimp, broccoli, onions, garlic and mushrooms (strawberries and lemon for my water):

And a lavish dessert from Phase 1 (cake, mixed fruits, nuts and whipped cream):

to be replaced with just fruits and nuts:

and finally, the famous tuna-no-radish from last night, accompanied by my home-made Asian cucumber salad.

Day One is over, and it was not great. Dmitry told me "I could never do your diet because I'd give up after only one day."

But I'll just say this: facing my dinner tonight of shrimp and vegetables, I said "I can't do this," and made some brown rice. After all, what's a nice Asian shrimp sauté without a rice of some kind?

And it looked great:

but I looked at it, and I said That's cheating.

So I threw it away.

So there, Kamerad!