Tuesday, October 29, 2030

Please Note

As this is a blog, all the posts (except the first one) are in the reverse order of the dates they were posted. So for the earliest posts, you have to go to the last posts in the blog.

Sunday, April 21, 2030

Repent, Reset, Renew

Sunday, April 1, 2016



 O  kay, the building blocks are coming in one by one.

I ordered that test kit from uBiome. Now I've ordered some heavy-duty probiotics that I plan to use in Phase II (Phase I, you will recall, is the two-week "cleaning of the slate" that I plan to reset my gut biome to as close to neutral as I can).

So the blocks are coming in for assembly as I do the research—no point in conducting this grand experiment if I skimp on any portion of it or hurry through any critical phases.

Nope. It's going to be as close to a real-world small-scale clinical trial as I can manage with my Resources of One.

Feel free to follow my path exactly—I'm not doing anything that is unreasonable or unaffordable for any normal person alive that I know. Or just follow it loosely—there isn't any real need to buy test kits or probiotic supplements; you simply have to follow the general principles, ie. Repent, Reset, and Renew.

I figure once I get the test kit, I will proceed thusly:

Phase I: Two Weeks

Two weeks doing what I always do. Eating what I always eat. Drinking what I always drink. Introducing no new influences, removing no old ones. Proceeding, in other words, as normally as I possibly can: A Day in the Life Of Nick x 14.

At the end of this phase, I will take the first lab sample and send it in. This will be the control phase: What Nick's Gut Normally Looks Like. Of course, all intake, mood changes, unusual occurrences will be rigorously documented (as through this entire experiment) so that we will have a good idea of what life was like before the whole Upset.

Phase II: Two Weeks

The Grand Remove. Eliminate all but the most essential. All extra sugars, and I mean ALL extra sugars. No more sugar in my coffee, not even a half a teaspoon. No sweets at all. No carbohydrates that take the form of glucose—that means no starches (potatoes, rice, pretty much all wheat in any form, basically anything that says "Carbohydrates" on the label). No drinks except black coffee, black tea, and water.

No processed fats, no meats of any kind, no fish, no dairy, no processed anything—that means, nothing that was produced in a modern factory.

That pretty much eliminates most things that are available to eat these days. Most, but not all.

Of course, I don't want to die of malnutrition. Certain vegetables, meaning those that don't contain large amounts of sugars (carrots) or carbs (potatoes)—will be on the table. I will have to do the research. Perhaps some legumes or nuts will also be allowed—again, we will have to see.

Things to spice things up, such as lemons and lemon juice, parsley, cilantro, basil—these will all be allowed. My background as a cook should prove useful here—how do you doll up a glass of water? (Hint: fresh mint and lemons are involved).

This will be the most miserable phase, but it's one that has to be done—no shortcuts. Ruthlessness and sacrifice will be the watchwords here I am my only reliable guinea pig, so fucking up on this portion is completely verboten.

Phase III: Two Weeks

The Grand Reintroduction. This is still up in the air, but it will involve cautiously introducing elements—such as the probiotic supplement—one at a time, and slowly. Each new reintroduction—dairy, starches, meats, carbs—will have their own carefully documented windows and exist in isolation. In other words, I won't start eating whole wheat pitas one day and three days later add chicken. It will be either-or at first. I just want to see what this does to my general digestive process. Gas? Bloating? Diarrhea? Constipation? All will be revealed!

After all, it will be the bugs down below who are reorganizing—not me. It is they who will be picking leaders, removing troublemakers, restoring equilibrium. I expect the most troublesome portion of the experiment to occur now.

At the end of this period, Test 2 will be undertaken, sample sent in to the lab.

Phase IV: To Be Determined, but longer than two weeks

Consolidation of the new plan. Figuring out what is reasonably doable in terms of continuing. No point in creating some messy, complicated diet that requires much fussing and fiddling to implement. The new diet must be easy to create every single day, easy to shop for, not unduly expensive, with no hard-to-find ingredients, and emergency substitutions—read, "Day Off"—be considered. These will be days in which you can't fall back on your diet—eating at a restaurant, at a friend's, or other occasion in which following your diet is impossible. Included here is the "occasional" lapse, as in, that square of cake you've been craving, that once--in-a-blue-moon steak and scalloped potatoes, that hamburger.

After all, a deprived system is a rebellious system.

At the end of this phase will be the final test, Test 3, which should—if all has gone according to plan—indicate that you are on track to be as healthy as you will ever find it possible to be.

So there you have it.

The countdown has begun, if only in my mind. The day the test arrive is the day Phase I begins.

Repent!

Reset!

Renew!